Tricks & Tips for a Stress-Free Wedding
I have had the pleasure of working as a full-time wedding photographer in upstate New York, Massachusetts, and Vermont for many years. I love working for couples and documenting their day. Never a dull moment, that’s for sure. You will have lots of suggestions from family and friends but remember it’s okay to be unique and different. Make it your day. Massive cliché here but planning a wedding is like putting a jigsaw puzzle together. Slowly but surely all the bits will fit and fall into place; hopefully, without your stress level escalating out of control. When you worry it gets you nowhere in a hurry so why not avoid chaos and keep everything simple. This way you’ll enjoy things more. You likely know what you want (and what you don't) so go for it, do whatever makes you happy. Make it your day.
In completely random order, I have listed a few mostly practical tips and tricks. Hopefully, one or two of these will help you relax and be able to enjoy planning your big day. Most of all, you want to enjoy your big day and not be overwhelmed and stressed. Good vibes only please.
Estimated reading time: two drinks (it is 5 o’clock somewhere).
• Friends are great but not always for your photography and music etc. It can be a gamble that goes pear-shaped in a hurry. For peace of mind, hire wedding professionals with the skill and experience to make you delighted. Your wedding will likely be expensive, so you deserve a great return on your investment. Anyone you hire should be excited to work for you. Plus, working with a specialist is usually a safer bet than hiring a company that offers to do everything. Chances are pretty good a DJ company isn't experienced with photography and/or video as they sub-hire 'ringers' who aren't invested in the business and are just there for the money. I am off my soap box for now.
• The best plan is often to contact a variety of professionals and find the service and style that best meets your needs and budget. Then, let go, relax, and leave everything in their hands so you get to enjoy your day. Proper planning is very important, but do not micro-manage especially on your actual wedding day. If you watch tv shows on Bravo, you know the ones who scream and shout for no reason are not really enjoying things. They stress everyone out. I mean everyone.
• Trying to control every little detail on your wedding day may seem like a good idea to begin with but can easily end up having the opposite effect. If you want to have an unforgettable day, be flexible, let family and friends help. Delegate without cracking the whip too much. Make planning an enjoyable experience for everyone. Truth be told, no-one really likes bridezillas (or groomzillas for that matter).
• Your glam squad with hair and makeup often takes longer than expected and next thing you know the bride is running late getting ready and ends up stressed. The wedding ’5-30’ timing rule often applies with hair and makeup and getting dressed, where something that should only take five minutes ends up taking 30 or more. A good idea is starting styling appointments at least 30/45+ minutes earlier than you think you need to. Make sure you get a time from your stylist when he/she will have you wrapped up by. Same with makeup. Never go last behind all the bridesmaids (and/or moms) as that will guarantee you end up seriously stressed and late. It is your day, and everything really should be about you. Your partner will understand.
• If you’re having a summer or fall wedding, be mindful of watch tans (and/or swimsuit tans) on your wrist. You might want to mention this to moms and bridesmaids too. At least twice.
• A good makeup/stylist is highly recommended as this can make a world of difference with how your skin looks in pictures, even on humid hot days. Let me know if you would like recommendations of fantastic stylists and makeup artists who are exceptionally good with everything. One suggestion, avoid glitter or face sparkle, this rarely looks good in pictures and will end up marking jackets.
• If possible, fix your lips after you get dressed as it is easy to accidentally get lipstick on your dress layers and fabric when stepping into your dress. Keep a towel handy. A bottle of champagne/wine too for that matter. Maybe more than one. That can help keep things calm and worry-free. Mimosas recommend.
• Have Spotify or Apple set up playing some of your favorite tunes while getting ready. It may help calm nerves a little too. Sets a nice vibe and relaxed feel. Everyone, not just the bride and groom, can get stressed.
• Think about comfort over style with shoes. Do not spend the most important day of your life in agony because you want to impress with high heels. If you are not a heels person, do not do it on your big day. Your shoes are mostly hidden from view anyway and it is hard to smile (and dance) when your feet are killing you. Have a comfy pair of shoes/sneakers to change into for your party. Crocs are comfortable and colorful (white ones for the bride with stickers) and perfect for getting ready. And rental shoes for the men can be miserably uncomfortable so not a bad idea to have the guys bring a backup pair of dress shoes, work boots, converse, for the reception. Just in case.
• Your dress is going to get dirty and marks on it, especially outdoors and at your reception. This happens to all brides and virtually no one will notice so do not panic. Accept this as part and parcel of a fun and happy wedding and roll with it. Go with the flow. Just have a good dry cleaner lined up and let it go.
• Bring a steamer for dresses (and veil); often venues don’t provide one is a bridal suite.
• Dresses with pockets for a bride and bridesmaids is a great idea. Your hands will thank you.
• Too many brides worry about the weather and when you worry it gets you nowhere in a hurry. If there are a few raindrops on your day so what. It is not the end of the world. You will make it work. One way or the other, you will likely be under cover most of the day anyway. Surprisingly, pictures of a couple under a ‘brolley’ can be almost fun. Okay, that is stretching things, so knock on wood and hope for the best it does not rain on your day. Kind of sucks when it does truth be told; especially when everyone says it’s good luck. I’m calling BS on that.
• You need to be prepared for inclement weather and/or uncomfortable heat and humidity, very bright sun (sunglasses). We are absolutely okay shooting in light rain, so that will be your call if you want to stay outside. The same for your family and bridal party. There may be umbrellas you can use if you are game to go outdoors but golf umbrella’s look pretty ugly as a rule. Often a nice ‘plan b’ idea are clear wedding umbrellas (see this Amazon link for the perfect brollies ‘Umbrellas Wedding Style Stick Umbrellas’) for you and your bridal party or family; plus, if not used, you can always do a free return post-wedding.
• Quite often it tends to be tornadic winds breezy with outdoors pictures in the afternoon (first look, core family, bridal party) pre-ceremony, bear that in mind with hair styles. The ‘beach hair don’t care’ carefree spirit doesn’t usually work for most brides, bridesmaids, moms. They ‘hate’ their hair flying around in pictures after spending hours getting ready.
• You may wish to let your seamstress/dressmaker know your wedding day is two weeks (or more) earlier than it is, especially around prom season. This will avoid last-minute panic and unexpected delays with dress adjustments not being ready on time. Does it happen? Too often.
• The lucky sixpence (or penny) in the shoe (or any other heirloom pinned on under your dress or on your bouquet) for good luck and fortune dates to ancient times. Last century. Some brides still like this old tradition. However, for comfort, rather than taping or placing it in your shoe or dress, keep things in your bridal bag. It is also more secure this way.
• Mentioning your bridal bag, consider including headache tablets, perfume, tissues, lipstick, lip gloss, mints, safety pins, bobby pins, a nail file, sanitary items, deodorant, etc. In the words of someone else, 'be prepared'.
• If you are hiring a party bus or limo, make sure they do not rush you as some companies are notorious for doing exactly that. Plan your booking time carefully so you do not have the vehicle(s) arriving 45 minutes earlier than needed when you could use that time later.
• Mentioning vendors (again), occasionally venue coordinators can be rather ‘corporate’ and lack and genuine compassion and human kindness. Let it roll if that’s the case. Event planners too will tell you what you want to hear and NOT suggest other less expensive options. Don’t let anyone talk you into something you really don’t need. This is your day, you’re the boss and call the shots.
• A few guests always arrive late for ceremonies, and brides do not like walking down the aisle with stragglers still arriving. My suggestion is to consider listing your ceremony time 30 minutes earlier on the invitation. This way, you will get to walk down the aisle on time. Which in turn means you get to your cocktail hour sooner, which is the way it should be. This is your day.
• If you are late, you are late, but some officiants (usually ones who don’t smile much and are not that friendly or happy) aren't flexible and can be cantankerous, crotchety, cranky, irritable, and grouchy. Mostly the case in churches, especially if there is another ceremony (or confessionals) following your wedding.
• Don't expect too much from young children in your bridal party even if they are usually well-behaved. Kids will be kids and yell, scream, and cry. A lot. They get excited (or have a meltdown) and can suffer from pre-wedding nerves too, especially if they are ready for a nap or hungry. Accept this may happen and often does when it comes to a ceremony and pictures. Keep in mind, whatever they do will likely be entertaining. At some point, you just have to go with the flow. However, if you are on the fence about inviting kids, see next suggestion.
• Let friends and relatives know before your wedding it is okay for them to step away during your ceremony if their baby is screaming like a wild banshee. Guests much prefer to hear your vows not wailing children. Amen to that. Plus, it is absolutely okay to make your wedding a 21+ adult-only day. Nieces and nephews + core family aside.
• If you’re hiring a florist, don’t feel obliged to fall ‘hook line and sinker’ to all their recommendations. Nine times out of 10, they will try and upsell and talk you into spending top dollar; rarely will they suggest options that will save you money. Having centerpieces on every table, for example, can be very pricey, especially if you’re having a lot of guest tables. Look at alternative options. Silk flowers can be amazing, and no one can tell the difference from more than a couple of feet away.
• A big/heavy bridal bouquet that take over and cover up your dress NEVER look good in pictures. They cost a lot more too. I highly recommend a smaller bouquet that compliments your dress, doesn’t cover it up, and is lighter and much easier to hold.
• Make sure you designate a person to help pin boutonnieres on the guys as push comes to shove, men being men are usually hopeless about this and have no idea what to do (with the flowers). Sometimes the guys prefer not to have boutonnieres, and this works; perhaps just one for the groom.
• Mentioning the guys, recommend they do not bring phones to your ceremony. Always shows through pockets in pictures. Plus, unless the groom is taking a ceremony selfie, is it crucial for him to have a phone when you’re saying the I ’Do’s’? I have never seen a bride with a phone during a ceremony (pockets in dresses a brilliant help mind you for phones and/or lip gloss), but often the men have theirs stuffed in their pants pocket. It is a bulge that doesn’t’ look good. I am a professional. I can say that.
• At your rehearsal, ask the person marrying you if he/she/they would move to one side before your first kiss at the end. This will prevent their face/neck etc. photobombing right behind you which really looks weird in pictures afterwards.
• Consider not having boutonnieres for the men and avoid the prom look. A pocket square/hanky works great in suits. Looks very elegant and classy even if it is not folded right. Double-sided tape is great for keeping it in place too, so it does not slip down inside the jacket pocket.
• If you’re going to have a classic bowtie (never goes out of style), go CLIP-ON; it is always much easier to put on and looks top drawer.
• If you’re wearing a suit or tux, undo your jacket button(s) at times, especially for your first dance; also, when outdoors, hugging anyone. Always looks much better than when a jacket gets all stretched when buttoned like something is about to pop.
• Often a couple have a parent or loved one who has passed on. Consider having a memory locket (with a small picture of mom or dad, grandma, grandpa) pinned to the handle of your bouquet. A groom will sometimes have a picture of a loved one in his jacket pocket (by his heart). Alternatively, a small picture pinned to a jacket lapel or inside a jacket.
• Everyone. I’ll say it once I’ll say it twice: No hair ties or crunchies on wrists. Also, no Apple watches or Fitbits (if moms still use these) unless it has ‘sparkle’ or is color coordinated with your accent color.
• Many bridesmaids (and brides) race down the aisle and end up almost on top of each other. Leave plenty of space in-between and work the aisle like the models on tv shows. Confidence photographs very well. Try not to constantly look down at your feet walking along. You know where they are. Chin up, shoulders back, and if you hate pictures with your arms up high, keep them low by your side. Stand tall and try not to go with the hunched back look. Good deportment as they say. You know what you like and do not like in your pictures when you look at your phone so bring that into play on your day. This way you will feel confident and amazing and happy.
• Mentioning ‘many’ bridesmaids, consider keeping things simple and avoid the big over-the-top bridal party with too many attendants. Most of them don’t even know each other that well. Some couples like to have just one witness either side and/or just their siblings (possibly their children) stand up with them for the ceremony. Less stressful (and expensive) all around for everyone.
• If your dress is not too tight and your heels are not killing you, take a deep breath, enjoy the moment and smile. It is a wedding not a funeral. BE HAPPY.
• Attention brides. You are queen for a day so smile, keep your flowers low (they've got to compliment your dress, not cover it up), time your aisle walk to the music and bring it. Take it all in. Soak it up. Enjoy the moment. These are your memories. Forever. Treasure them. Do not rush down the aisle looking at your feet. Chin up, shoulders back etc. etc.
• If you’re having someone walk you down the aisle, remind them not to pull your veil off (if you are wearing one) when they hug you. Also, give them a nudge (an elbow is usually more effective) when they start walking over your dress train in a mad rush to sit down.
• Consider having a pouch for your rings if the best man (or woman) is going to hold these for your ceremony. This way there is no big, weird ‘box bulge’ as they say in the industry, in a pocket.
• Don't be strangers during your ceremony. Many couples look as if they have just met sometimes. Look at one another. Yes, you are going to be anxious, nervous, excited, barely breathing, major league butterflies going on, but hold hands, talk, be together. This is the person you are marrying.
• Most of all, make sure you look at each other during your rings and vows. You are not marrying the officiant/clergy. In other words, try not to say "I do" to the person marrying you. Talk to each other. Just looks seriously weird otherwise. In case I didn’t mention it earlier, once or twice, bring sunglasses if you’re planning an outside ceremony just in case. You or your partner will quite likely be blinded by the sun.
• Yes, I highly recommend you consider sunglasses in case they are needed for you, friends, and/or family, as this will help with bright sun and prevent blinks and squints for anyone with sensitive eyes in many outdoor pictures. Perhaps get some of those cute heart-shaped sunglasses for you and your bridesmaids. Etsy or Amazon have these.
• With summer weddings, it can often be miserably hot and humid. For outdoor ceremonies, have a basket of paper fans (you can get these very easily at Etsy) available for guests. Also water, iced tea, or lemonade dispensers. Most venues should provide these.
• This is a big deal. At the end of your ceremony, stand there and let everyone see you and get their pictures. Soak up the moment. Perhaps, practice a dip kiss (before your big day), as this looks amazing. Also, many brides forget their bouquet when they walk back down the aisle. Look at each other NOT at the ground (you know where your feet are). Take your time.
• Despite what moms often say, most couples skip a formal receiving line after their ceremony. Your guests will really thank you for that as they want to get the food and drink. You want to freshen up too and get something to drink. The advantages are they you get to cocktail hour much sooner too and your guests are not waiting in line, getting bored (and overheating outdoors). When it is hot and humid this can be plain miserable for everyone and, believe it or not, only having parents in the meet-and-greet receiving line does NOT move guests through any quicker. They (the parents that is) still end up telling life stories and go on and on far too long.
• If appropriate, let your officiant/clergy know you do not want your wedding certificate folded. You may wish to frame it. Also, don’t trust the USPS as mail can get lost. At least take a picture of your marriage license before mailing it.
• Bubbles or petals after your ceremony are great fun. Bubble guns for young kids even more so when they walk down the aisle and exit. If you are having a church ceremony, you may have to check it is okay as churches usually have too many rules. Whatever you do, do not do rice like parents used to back in the day (last century). You will regret it. Think not just of birds and the environment it harms, but your hair, your veil, your dress, your eyes, your nose/ears will never be the same as you will have rice hitting you hard everywhere.
• Instead of that boring formal receiving line right after a church ceremony, many couples (and parents) prefer to mingle and mix with guests during cocktail hour. It is far more enjoyable this way for everyone, and you get to visit with friends and family you want to chat more with. Plus, this way you have extra time for family and bridal party pictures after church. Many churches have very limited time after a ceremony as they need to reset the altar, and/or have confessionals, or a mass right after your ceremony.
• On the biggest day of your life the last thing you want is ordinary. You do not want ordinary flowers. You do not want an ordinary cake, cupcakes, or donuts. And you do not want to gamble with an ordinary photographer who hasn’t got a clue what they are doing. Here is an idea, hire Paul Saunders Photography. See my TMI (FAQs). That was subtle.
• There are many amateur wedding DJ’s and photographers (you know where I am going here) who lack the talent and experience to get results. In other words, to put it politely, they really suck. You will save money but regret it later. You will not be crying tears of happiness when you see your pictures. I’ve heard some horror stories. I’ve also seen first-hand some awful DJ’s who scream in the microphone and don’t have a sound system where you can understand what anyone is saying. Not good for toasts.
• When hiring videographers, most couples do not like bright video lights that blind guests and ruin the soft, low-light ambiance you will likely have at your reception. Like with pictures, low-key and unobtrusive is often the best filming style. These days, most digital video cameras are amazing and do not require lots of additional bright lighting. Let me know if you’d like recommendations for brilliant videographers.
• Make sure, too, your videographer is creative and captures your wedding story documentary-style. Let me know if you need suggestions for amazing videographers who will be extremely easy and friendly to work with. I’m happy to help with recommendations. Soap box moment coming up… there are some videographers who are a nightmare to work with as they are always in the way and make me think I picked the wrong weekend to quit drinking and sniffing glue. Disclaimer statement: I don’t do either. Anymore.
• Your wedding day goes by too fast so you should be together with friends and family as much as possible. You want to be part of your cocktail hour and reception not missing-in-action. It is your chance to really relax as up to that point everything will be a little non-stop with 101 things going on.
• Find a photographer, you will be comfortable around and one who works hard for you so you can enjoy your day and not be stressed. Subtle hint: you are on a photographer’s web page right now who checks these boxes. This way you will get to relax and enjoy everything.
• Have an at-a-glance emergency phone and email contact listing for all wedding services you hire. Keep this info on your phone. And if you still have a Verizon LG Revere 2 Basic Flip Phone. Good luck. Maybe time to upgrade.
• Many wedding couples prefer adult-only ceremonies and receptions. Unless they are almost teenagers, little kids can be a serious distraction with their running around, rolling on the dance floor, screaming/yelling, and will likely enjoy a movie and pizza more. Young parents will then get to enjoy a lovely night out together for a change. Truth be told, badly behaved children are only cute to a point at a wedding. Maybe two minutes tops. (My wife read this and said I must mention how much I love children and hope one day we will have many grandkids).
• With reception seating avoid having older guests too close to the dj or band. Younger guests will likely be okay with loud party music so put them closer to the speakers.
• This is almost a repeat, but worth repeating. Cutting corners with your entertainment budget is often a gamble. To put it in perspective, it is amazing the amount some couples spend on flowers that will be long gone in days and have little lasting impact compared to the investment they make in their dj or band. Like you, your guests go to weddings, and they know when they have had a great time or not. The talent of your entertainment will play a HUGE PART in determining how much fun you and your guests have at your party. You want your friends and family to say that your party is the best one they have ever been to.
• Flowers are lovely but can be seriously expensive. Sometimes less really is more. Most venues (ballrooms and barns) already look pretty good and need little extra decoration. Keep it simple.
• Many moms (and grannies) prefer wrist corsages or small handheld bouquets instead of pin-on flowers that can be rather top-heavy and very awkward (to pin-on) thin dresses.
• Candles often work better than flowers as table centerpieces. They provide great ambient lighting, warm up faces, and allow people to see each other easier (and talk to one another) during dinner. Plus, it will save you a lot of money.
• Instead of traditional table numbers, consider themes. Honeymoon destinations (London, Dublin, Reykjavik, Paris, Rome, Seaside FL, et cetera), places you’ve visited, favorite teams, types of flowers, cheeses, wines, pictures of you. Anything goes. Be different. Couples love to have signature drinks too.
• Save dollars and get candles from stores like Michael's, Target, Etsy, etc. Two or three large candles (perhaps on a mirror plate) look nice. You can even sprinkle petals to add a splash of color.
• You'll be amazed how many couples use Central Market florists at various Market 32 / Price Choppers in NY and New England. Market Basket in Massachusetts is the best. Wegman’s in central New York is brilliant. Trader Joe’s is also a popular option for more DIY bridal flowers. Value, service, and selection always very impressive. Other grocery chains have floral departments that specialize in weddings too.
• It is your wedding cake so if you do not like the typical chocolate or vanilla frosting be creative. Ice cream, carrot cake, marzipan, even banana pudding can make delicious alternatives. Have a rhubarb pie or blackberry crumble. Perhaps Bundt cakes. A donut wall. Get something you like so you will have cake to take home you want to eat.
• If your caterer is flexible, avoid ‘forking’ out for a massive cake. Have a small wedding cake for cutting and a large flat cake behind the scenes as will save you budget dollars. Approximately 75% serving slices relative to your guest count are usually more than adequate, especially if left on a dessert table for everyone to help themselves. Having to-go containers is also a great plan as often guests like the option to take cake (and sweet treats) home. Keep your cake-cutting simple and low-key. You do not have to feed one another if you would prefer not to.
• Most couples avoid the dated garter / bouquet routine (YouTube it if needed). Options include just throwing the bouquet, an anniversary dance presentation to the oldest married couple, or just nothing. Remember it is your wedding celebration so be unique. Sometimes the fewer interruptions post-dinner the more fun your party will be.
• Get all the formalities like any parent dances out of the way early if you are having these. With parent dances, keep these on the shorter side of things as a three-minute song can feel like an eternity stuck in the middle of the dance floor.
• If you’re looking to surprise your guests, take dance lessons (great date night idea) so your first dance is a showstopper.
• Mentioning having a fun party, hiring a DJ who brings uplighting to your reception space. This lighting is coordinated with your wedding colors for ambiance and makes everything come to life in the venue especially at nighttime. Plus, it looks brilliant in the background for pictures. Everything comes alive with background color. These days many DJs include this and shouldn’t be charging you an arm and a leg.
• Consider having a second party dress you can change into after dinner.
• If you do wear a garter, test it before your wedding day as they tend to fall down the leg. Make sure it is a snug fit and does not create a line through your dress. You can always keep it in your bridal bag and put it on later at your reception.
• Last but not quite least, a pet peeve if you will. Some wedding planners (a couple hire) get paid a LOT and do very little. Truth be told, if you hire professional vendors who know what they are doing, you don’t really need a separate wedding planner. Your venue event planner will take care of everything before and on your actual day. Everyone you hire works together as a team so you will have peace of mind and don’t need to be anxious about anything.
• Finally, your reception will be over before you know it so dance and party the night away. After all, it is the biggest celebration of your life. Most of all, the absolute best way to make sure everyone enjoys your wedding is for you to enjoy it yourself. After all the planning and preparation, that is all that matters. Have lots of good food, great fun and, remember, when you worry it gets you nowhere in a hurry. No stress or meltdowns are needed. Keep calm and marry on. Sorry, but I couldn’t help myself.
I am always very happy to help with questions and/or recommendations for other top wedding professionals.
Paul Saunders Photography www.psphotography.com paul@psphotography.com